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I recently shared my living room with you, my gentle readers. Today I would like to invite you into a little place I like to call “Undersea Paradise.” A less fanciful name for it is “the bathroom,” but for the sake of not being weird and hitting up the bathroom together, let’s stick with my chosen moniker.

When I moved into my current apartment, the bathroom was just awful. I wish I’d taken more pictures to prove it, but I only have a few. Here is one of my wonderful sink. Nothing says dark ages better than separate taps for hot and cold water. Burn your hand, freeze your hand, burn your hand, freeze your hand. (I won’t even discuss the nastiness festering in the bottom of that sink, but you can see it in the picture.)

The brush, pink thing and jar came with the apartment.

The “decor” consisted entirely of this fixture below. The prior resident didn’t even leave me any paper on the roll.

Here’s another “before” shot:

The first thing I did was bust out a crowbar and yank out the old sink. I swapped in a nice, lovely, new one. You will also notice that I put a mirror over the sink. Oddly, there was no mirror above the sink before. Just a plain white wall. I felt like a vampire in the mornings. Where am I?

Much better– my hands are no longer simultaneously blistered and frostbitten– but I didn’t stop there. I decided to create an Undersea Paradise. Naturally, that attracted fish, so I had to put up some netting. Oh, look! It attracts crustaceans too:

Here we see the catch of the day. He’ll be mighty yummy once he’s been basted with something spicy and grilled to perfection:

This little fellow insists he belongs; he claims he is a sea monkey:

When I moved in, the bathroom lighting consisted of a bare light bulb jutting from the ceiling at an odd angle, so I installed a new light fixture:

But that wasn’t bright enough, especially for a pretty little Peasprout like me. I must make sure I am appropriately coiffed each day, so I added some vanity lighting:

Believe it or not, there was no electrical outlet in the bathroom, so I had to put one in. And yes, I put the main fixture on a dimmer, so I can set that romantic mood. Actually it’s so I can go in there at night and not blind myself once my eyes have grown accustomed to the dark, but it does make for nice bubble baths as well:

The room still wasn’t quite jazzy enough, but some pretty fishy lights around the door frame solved that in a hurry. Thanks Fizzy! You can get a glimpse of the jungle-themed foyer in the background; perhaps I’ll detail that in a future post.

You can’t really tell in any of these pictures, but I also tore down the shower and rebuilt it with new tiles, plaster and grout.

And finally, here is a nice overview of the Underwater Paradise:

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I’ll show that Yale just who has an ugly apartment. Prepare yourselves for a virtual tour of my humble home. Today I give you, my readers, the opportunity to decide if an ugly blanket belongs in my pad.

I think the perfect place to begin is with my couch. Doesn’t it make you want to curl up with a nice book, or a martini? Or me?

Here we see what was once a plain, simple bookshelf. A nice coating of faux leopard fur jazzed it up nicely, don’t you think? Couple that with the faux giraffe drapery hanging from a bamboo pole and you have yourself a swanky soiree waiting to happen.

Here is a close-up of my bar. Cocktails, anyone?

Below the bar you can see my collection of lounge records and vintage board games. I’m always up for a game of Risk. You should totally come by some time and play me.

Let’s move along to the corner of the room now. Very lovely, isn’t it? Since this picture was taken the CD case has been moved across the room, but it looks lovely here, no?

Here are some DVDs.

This next little beauty I built myself, from scratch. Just wood, screws, hinges and so forth. And of course, faux fur. Is there *anything* that doesn’t look better when draped in fur???

Did I mention that I hot-glued faux zebra to the television? Well, actually Fizzy did. Turns out she is far more adept with a glue gun than am I. She is responsible for most of the actual attachment of fur to the various items. You go, Fizzy!

The furry TV stand opens up to reveal the stereo, as well as many vintage Tiki coasters, matchbooks, menus, and ads.

This is the other side:

I am very proud of this next part. I was able to build a sliding tray to hold a turntable! It pulls out so I can put on a record, then slides back in real good like. I done good.

The speakers, too, are covered in leopard fur. Oh, do you see the lovely blue palm frond serving dish? That dates back to the 1950s. I have no idea where those handcuffs came from. Who put those there?

Overseeing everything is the great god Tiki.

We had some leftover leopard fur, and that lamp was practically *begging* to join in the fun.

And now a nice shot that gives an overview of the entire living room. It’s that rug that really ties it all together. In the background you can sort of peek into my ’50s diner themed kitchen, but that is a post for another day.

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The National Endowment for the Arts reported that the average American now spends about 24 minutes per day reading; and that includes newspapers, TV guide, recipes… everything. Worse, that same, average American watches over four hours of television each day.

My first reaction to this was dismay– how awful that Americans are such illiterate couch potatoes. It quickly turned to guilt. I don’t watch any television. That means somewhere out there exists some poor s.o.b. that I have doomed to watching EIGHT hours of TV every day. That poor guy! I envision him struggling to fit it all in to his day while still making it to work on time, sleeping, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life.

I felt even worse when I factored in how much I read each day. I spend several hours reading. That means he not only has to endure those 8 hours of television, he doesn’t even get to read at all. Maybe he has to sit and write for like 2 hours and 36 minutes a day, just to make up for my voracious reading habits. He can’t even read the back of his cereal box in the morning, assuming he even has the time to eat breakfast. Wherever you are buddy– I’m sorry.

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It sometime seems that each American city has its own particular vice. Los Angeles got “shallow,” San Francisco got “snobbish,” New York got “rude.” Well, Dallas clearly got “garish.” Words can’t describe the gaudy homes that line the neighborhoods of Plano, a wealthy suburb of Dallas, so I won’t try. Oh hell, sure I will.

My brother lives in the suburb of Plano, and as I drove to visit him I passed one ludicrous house after another, each almost seeming to top the one that came before it. They were all enormous. In Texas, that’s a given; every house was at least 2000 square-feet in size, and those were the modest homes. Some must have topped the 5000 square-foot mark.

I won’t be able to do justice to what I saw in terms of architecture, because anyone reading will assume I’m exaggerating. Victorian-style homes with faux Roman columns sporting a giant fountain in front topped with Spanish tiling? Par de rigueur. It’s as if they want to incorporate every over-the-top style of architecture into one massive estate, then repeat the process for every house on the block. The best, and most honest, description I can give is that the homes look like entrances to Disneyland attractions.

Other than that, Dallas is pretty neat. It is far too large to be explored in a day, but I liked what I saw. I found a great record shop, and bought some CDs. Should we be calling them CD shops? Honestly, I have a hunch records may outlast CDs. MP3s are becoming the standard, but there will always be vinyl collectors. I get the feeling that in ten years time CDs will be somewhat akin to cassettes, while records will still have a following. In any event, for the time I’m sticking to calling them record shops, even if I go there to buy CDs.

Speaking of music, I guess I should continue the trend of reporting what was on rotation in the CD deck during the recent leg of the trip:

The Beach Boys Pet Sounds
Pulp His ‘n’ Hers
Bauhaus In Flat Field
Count Basie Essential Basie: Volume 1
Suede Dog Man Star
Van Morrison Moondance
EPMD Strictly Business

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Stelladoro’s Unfortunate Tale was the inspiration for today’s entry, at least in part. The topic of losing one’s wallet has been bandied about of late, and the discussion turned to the contents of said wallets. As such, I began to wonder: If I were to lose my wallet, how much of a hassle would it really be? After a quick analysis of my wallet’s contents, it turns out the answer is “not a terribly big one.”

My wallet’s contents at the moment:

$148
ATM card for my personal bank account
ATM card for my business bank account
Driver’s License
U.C. Berkeley Student ID
AMC Moviewatcher card
Blue Shield health insurance card
Membership Card for 924 Gilman
BART ticket with a value of $1.10

The only other thing in there is Hello Kitty’s advice to me from many years ago, printed on a little card she spat at me from her perch in a machine at FAO Schwarz in New York. “Remember to keep the promises you make to others and to yourself,” admonished the cat. To this day, I always do; I’m not sure if it is because Hello Kitty tells me to do so that I do.

It turns out I do not have a hell of a lot in my wallet, and were I to lose it, my world would not crash down around me. I would have to call my bank and say “send new cards,” wait for a few hours at the DMV, and then I’d be set. I don’t carry any photographs or memorabilia around, so there would be no sentimental loss. I suppose that Gilman membership card is the one irreplaceable item, only because it is one of the older “lifetime membership” cards, and I’d be sorry to see that go. Otherwise, I think losing my wallet would not be a major inconvenience.

Today’s Question: So then, what is in YOUR wallet?

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My fur is back to its normal black color now. I feel a lot smarter already. 2 + 2 is… well, it will come to me eventually. On the downside, I have five copies of Britney’s new CD on my desk. I seem to remember buying more then one because I wanted to be prepared in case I liked it and wanted to hear it again.

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10:29 i cant rilly rimember what the am or pm is for so i know it is the time it is so i am just putting that. the sky is pretty when its blue. and i like it when birds sing pritty songs too me.

1:06 i no im sposed to come herre and type but i cnt mimeber for sure y i do that. these keys are sure confuzign tho.

5? it was weird today i went to the campus and to my engish class but the tacher looked at me funy and he sed im not in his clas and then i mimberd i gradshated alreddy and i said oh boy i rilly pulled a blonde that time and ran home. i am barased now

q:94 things yoosed to make morre since 2 me. i membr my fur was not alwys yello. i thnk i need blak furr aginnnnnnnnn

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1:53 AM Its day 3 and I’m just getting home from day 2. I had soooo much fun 2nite. i went 2 bars with some girls I met and we drank alot. I got soooo drunk. I think I kissed some girls but its all a big fun blur. Blonde’s sure do have most fun. I so far like it.

9:02 AM boy i feel rilly wierd this mornging. i probly drank 2 much last night. my hed feels all empty or something. really wierd.

11:35 AM i wish i culd hurry up and get sober up becuz i have so much 2 do day and i dont want again to not get the work done.

4:18 PM o hi i think this is where i am suppose 2 write my own private thoughts n feelings that no1 could ever no. i realize i need more shoes.

9:27 PM AM my date 2nite is with a cheerleader. were gonna have funnnn shes hot and i likke her boobies

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As promised I am starting today’s journal entry with a photograph of my lovely new hair color. I really think it brings out my glamorous side. Don’t you agree?

3:46 AM My new thing now that I am blonde seems to be converting non-blondes to join the fun. (I haven’t actually experienced said fun yet, but I know it is coming.) I am doing so by commenting to the blogs of non-blondes that they should consider buying some hydrogen peroxide and joining the club.

4:04 AM Time for bed.

10:07 AM Not sure if this qualifies as fun, but I scared the hell out of myself when I looked in the mirror this morning. I was not prepared to see blonde hair on the person staring back at me.
Damn near had a heart attack.

11:05 AM I seem to have misplaced my house keys.

11:11 AM Silly me…they were in my left hand all along. I am right handed so I didn’t think to look there. Weird that I put them in that hand.

2:20 PM I was bored so I went next door to Tower Records. I was checking out Britney’s new album when I saw this totally cute girl checking ME out. She said “hi” and after only like two minutes of talking she totally came home with me, and we TOTALLY got it on. Being blonde rocks! She just left, and she wrote her number down for me. At first I thought I would for sure call her, but now I think maybe I won’t. Now that I am blonde I can be hella choosy, right?? Wait– I have a girlfriend!! Oh no… what if Fizzy finds out???

3:29 PM OMG I was supposed to meet a client today at 3:00 and it completely slipped my mind. I have NEVER done that before. Somehow I got so caught up searching eBay for Care Bears that I totally spaced out. I know this doesn’t have anything to do with being blonde, but I wanted to vent my frustration, so I turned to blogging.

5:03 PM I had a really yummy dinner. It was chicken. I need to go barf it up now. I feel soooo fat.

9:27 PM I’m all dressed up and ready for a night on the town. I’m meeting some friends to go bar-hopping. We’ll see how my new ‘do goes over. I’m signing out for the night now b/c I really wanna get out to the bars– I’m craving a Cosmo.

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1:36 PM I am officially blonde. Well, almost. My “strand test” indicated that I’ll need a second dye job tomorrow to complete the process. My hair is nearly black by nature, so one can’t expect miracles. But I look pretty darned blonde if you ask me.

1:40 PM I am about to step outside for the first time since this morning’s dye procedure. I will report back as to the fun I have.

4:03 PM Nothing terribly fun to report yet.

6:00 PM I think it is totally dinner time, but I don’t know what to eat. I will for sure eat something low-carb for my new diet.

9:31 PM I went to the movies. I saw the neatest movie, and now I am home. I need to watch Smallville but I can’t find the remote? Where did I put it??

10:47 PM That was scary. I finally found the remote and was about to tune into Smallville when I realized I don’t watch that show. I turned on Food Network instead. Much better. I wonder what that was all about.

11:22 PM Day one is almost over. I can’t say that I have had any extra fun as yet. Tomorrow I will post a picture of my hair. Maybe that will trigger some fun.