Posts tagged: Humor

So Much for That Idea

By , November 8, 2004

My mom and her friend took a trip from California to Washington, DC, via Amtrak. She loves riding trains; so do I. We have been thinking of doing this cross-Canada train trip thing together. I spoke to her on the phone today to see how the trip went.

Greg: Ma! Welcome home…how was your trip? Did you have fun on the train?

Mom: You can screw going through Canada on a train.

Amtrak’s slogan is What a Difference a Train Makes. They made a difference alright, just not the one they intended to make.

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Watch the Monkey

By , October 28, 2004

Not that long ago, while at a local Denny’s, I happened upon a machine filled with stuffed animals, ripe for the plucking. All one need do is pop in a coin to test one’s skill, and possibly win a toy. It seems normal enough, right?

But take a look– do you notice anything unusual about the machine and/or its contents?

Curious George in a Machine

If not, take a closer look:

Curious George is Dead!

Now do you see? The animals are DEAD! Curious George has gone blue in the face, as have his stuffing-filled chums. The Denny’s folks forgot to feed the animals! Shame on them.

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Reading

By , September 20, 2004

The National Endowment for the Arts reported that the average American now spends about 24 minutes per day reading; and that includes newspapers, TV guide, recipes… everything. Worse, that same, average American watches over four hours of television each day.

My first reaction to this was dismay– how awful that Americans are such illiterate couch potatoes. It quickly turned to guilt. I don’t watch any television. That means somewhere out there exists some poor s.o.b. that I have doomed to watching EIGHT hours of TV every day. That poor guy! I envision him struggling to fit it all in to his day while still making it to work on time, sleeping, and trying to maintain some semblance of a social life.

I felt even worse when I factored in how much I read each day. I spend several hours reading. That means he not only has to endure those 8 hours of television, he doesn’t even get to read at all. Maybe he has to sit and write for like 2 hours and 36 minutes a day, just to make up for my voracious reading habits. He can’t even read the back of his cereal box in the morning, assuming he even has the time to eat breakfast. Wherever you are buddy– I’m sorry.

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Our Man in Havana – Graham Greene

By , May 30, 2004

The last time I wrote about a book here, the results were less than spectacular– the resultant blog was downright dismal. I shall do my best to redeem myself with this, my third blogged book report.

Graham Greene is an author whose works I’ve long meant to explore. His name is always popping up, and it sometimes seems that everything he ever wrote was turned into a really good movie. It was actually a movie that finally lead me to read one of his books. I read This Gun For Hire after seeing the film of the same name, a noir classic featuring Alan Ladd and Veronica Lake (*swoon*), and was utterly enthralled by Greene’s wordcraft. Here, I said, is a man who knows how to write! Subjects, predicates, adjectives, adverbs– it was all there. I was most pleased; it had been well worth the effort of locating the book. (And believe me, it wasn’t easy to find a copy of This Gun For Hire. After about a year spent browsing the “G” section of any bookstore I happened across, I finally found a copy of the novel.)

On the plus side, the hunt allowed me to familiarize myself with Greene’s other works, for I began to recognize titles I’d seen repeatedly while vainly seeking This Gun for Hire. Of all the titles I’d seen during my quest, one leapt out at me every time I saw it: Our Man in Havana. I liked the sound of that. He’s our man in Havana– our on-the-spot spy keeping his finger on the pulse of all developments in Cuba– and decided that that would be the Greene book I next read. So I read it.

I don’t want to spoil the surprises, so I won’t say too much about the story. I’ll tell you this much– it is a farcical tale of a vacuum cleaner salesman recruited to be a spy for the British Empire in Cuba. He invents associates and plots in order to please his superiors, and earn money. He begins to do his job too well and things begin to unravel, with disastrous, albeit hilarious, results.

The style of humor in this novel is precisely the sort I adore. It builds very slowly, and is quite dry. I get the feeling that more than a few people I know could read this book and not realize that anything was meant to be funny; the wit is of an intensely intellectual nature. Which is not to say it takes a rocket scientist, or in this case perhaps a PhD in English, to get the joke. I only mean to say that this is not in-your-face Adam Sandler Humor-4-Dummiez at work. There is a subtlety to both Greene’s writing and his wit that I don’t think can be appreciated by all readers. I am trying to think of one of those “it’s like Fad Gadget meets Steely Dan” sort of descriptions, as they are very popular lately, but the best I can come up with is that Greene crafts sentences that flow with the effortlessness of Hemingway, while dappling them with the razor-sharp wit of Wodehouse; he writes really well and he makes me lol.

Greene also makes the reader privy to the peculiarities of pre-Castro Havana. While researching for this blog I found a great quote from Graham Greene himself, explaining why he chose Havana as the setting for the novel. “In the meanwhile I had visited Havana several times in the early fifties…Suddenly it struck me that here in this extraordinary city, where every vice was permissible and every trade possible, lay the true background for my comedy.” That aspect of the city definitely comes to light in this story.

Summary: I hella enjoyed this book, Graham Greene is now among my favorite writers, and I’m about to read another of his novels, Brighton Rock.

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Derrick’s Depth, or Kurt’s Poor English Skills?

By , May 12, 2004

Derrick: And he looked in my eyes and he said, “I don’t understand you.” Isn’t that amazing, that he saw how complex I am?

Mary: Maybe he just didn’t understand you.

Derrick: What do you mean?

Mary: You said he didn’t understand English very well. Maybe he just… didn’t understand you.

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