The Great Cheese Protest
All these war protests have got me thinking about other causes worth protesting. I came up with a cheese protest; bear with me.
I am not a fanatic about cheese, but I enjoy eating the stuff. There are appetizer cheeses and dessert cheeses, cheeses that can be an integral part of a main course, and cheeses upon which to snack. When someone tells me they dislike cheese, I have to wonder…have they really tried all cheeses? Saying you don’t like cheese is almost like saying you don’t like fruit. There are so many different types, how can anyone actually dislike them all?
This is probably a good time to bring up that trendiest of maladies, lactose-intolerance. It seems like everyone who is anyone is lactose intolerant these days. Many who think they are, are not, but when it comes to that wonderful stuff, cheese, it doesn’t matter, as most cheese has no lactose. For starters, something like 98% of it is strained off with the whey during the cheese-making process, and the rest is destroyed during fermentation. So phooey on all you lactose-intolerant folks (less then 5% of the population) and those who think you are but aren’t (about 25% of the population?). You can all eat cheese.
This doesn’t hold true for processed cheese, like Velveeta and its ilk, though I wouldn’t really bring Velveeta into a discussion of proper cheeses. As a general rule, aged cheeses are virtually free of lactose; the harder a cheese is, the less likely it is to contain any lactose.
But my love of cheese is not cause for a protest. That would be a celebration. Nor will my protest attempt to convince folks who think they’re lactose intolerant that they really aren’t, or even to educate them to the fact that cheese is lactose-free. No, my protest is going to be against the unjust cheese laws in America.
Yes, there are cheese laws. It’s illegal for me, or you (assuming you’re in America), or any other American to possess certain cheeses. We’re really big on pasteurization here, but sadly, the pasteurization process destroys the flavor of many fine cheeses. And while it is legal to produce and sell raw milk cheese, that is to say, unpasteurized cheese, said cheese must be aged at least 60 days.
Some of the best cheeses I’ve ever eaten were smuggled in from France. They were unaged raw milk cheeses. They were soooo good, and I want some now just from remembering them. But they’re illegal.
Why?
People in France eat plenty of unaged, raw milk cheese. They aren’t dying. I read somewhere that the French consume a pound of unaged raw milk cheese per week per citizen, and yet they’re all fine. Hell, some might say the French are even healthier than Americans. What gives?
I want to be able to walk into the local cheese shop and get Camembert. Real, raw, unaged, true, honest, Camembert. Let’s protest!
hahahahah! yummmmm…. CHEEEEESSSE!!!!
You need extra comments where there is none so it does look like lots of ppl are reading still….. and you are not the only one with a thing for cheese, I like cheese. I would have to say I prefer blissful ignorance because if you knew the truth it hurts more. I guess I am those people that rather go through life not really aware of what is going on but can be completely happy knowing everything is just good.
omg – why am I feelin you on ths one ?!! Cheese is fabulous – nvr been to Europe, so I cn’t say anythg abt the cheeses there. But man, hve I been wanting to go – for the food !! Fri, I scored a nibble of mega Brie … heaven ! Dn’t get me started on breads & wine !! ~PK
we’ll protest the war because we don’t want people to die even though the US causes indirect death of people everywhere all the frigging time. But because we live in this bubble drinking our starbucks, driving our mercedes, wearing our tommy hilfiger while the rest of the world toils in our garbage trying to scrape a living out of raw materials.
yeah that’s us, go america. woohooo.