Avoid Room 20

By , August 19, 2006

Right now I’m at a motel in Wyoming, a few miles from the South Dakota border. A couple hours ago I was sitting on the bed reading when movement on the floor caught my eye. I looked up and saw what I first took to be a mouse walking in front of the desk. Once my eyes focused on it, I realized it was not a mouse at all. It was a huge, fuzzy, brown spider! My first instinct should have been to pounce on it, but instead I was so amazed by its size that I wanted to take a picture of it. As I reached for my camera, it scurried behind the television stand. I moved furniture around, but could not find it.

Shit.

I passed some time researching “giant spider wyoming” on Google. It seemed that I most likely am rooming with a Hobo Spider tonight. Great. Is it poisonous? Let’s see… oh yay! Its bite induces necrotic arachnidism. There is even a picture of its bite here. Lovely.

Two hours later, I’d resigned myself to sharing a room with the thing, and was trying to knit my way to sleep when I spied it perched on the wall. Again, my photographic instinct won out, but I kept my eye on it this time, and managed to snap a picture:

big scary spider

Do you see how large it is? Do you realize that its eye is so big it reflects the camera’s flash like a cat’s might? Sooooo wrong… spiders are scary enough. They should not be allowed to grow to such a size.

In any event, now that I’d snapped its picture, I had to kill the beast. But how? I thought about stepping on it, but a glance at my foot, still clad in shoes from the earlier hunt,

pajamas with shoes

and a glance back at the spider gave me pause. It was tucked neatly into that corner. I had visions of being unable to crush it, and instead allowing it to creep up my leg. No thanks.

I looked back to the bed. My knitting needle could do the trick!

knitting needle

Somehow even that did not seem large enough to do the job. I felt like I’d have to grip it high up to stay out of harm’s way, and in doing so lose the leverage I’d need to pierce that bastard.

Then I thought of the perfect weapon.

camping stick from Yellowstone

I keep this stick in my trunk, and use it to stoke fires when I camp. I dashed out to my car and grabbed it.

At last, it was time to get it on.

I stabbed the spider. It parried the blow and leapt to the floor. It was trying to run behind the desk, but I whacked it. Unfazed it turned and headed straight at me! Ack! I knew I only had one more chance before I’d have to flee screaming like a little girl. I raised my staff like Moses (or at the very least Charlton Heston) when he was about to part the Red Sea, brought it down, and smote that hell-spawned arachnid with all my might.

dead spider

I cleaved it clean in half. And there it lies still, for I am too afraid to go near it. I trust that it’s dead, but am unconvinced that it doesn’t have one last ounce of reserved strength in its jaws just waiting for me to come in for a closer examination.

I am undoubtedly going to have horrific nightmares tonight.

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17 Responses to “Avoid Room 20”

  1. elle_girl says:

    dude.. that’s just.. scary. haha. i would have freaked out and switched rooms! props to you for killing it

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  2. Irish Voodoo says:

    that is freakish and horrifying. it looks jurassic. certainly no charlotte…

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  3. Pickled Sour says:

    a toast to your bravado. i would not have been so fortunate. the spider would have smote me first. . . due to a lack of witty schemes in my common petrified state. a well written funny entry. i look forward to more.

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  4. Mia Gonzales says:

    This is a yucky post. That would have scared the crap out of me. You need to get a better hotel next time.

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  5. eeleigna says:

    that is a huge ass spider. hahaha nice after picture. =X

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  6. Jenpop says:

    poor spidey.
    this reminded me of harry potter.

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  7. Bamber says:

    Oh my GOD, I would have shit my pants. Seriously. And then slept in my car. Kudos to you for being the brave one!!!!!

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  8. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

    best. story. ever.

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  9. mochitawny says:

    that thing is huge! so grooosss. are you sure that isn’t a tarantula?

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  10. Jenpop says:

    ps: you got a boy spider. those fangs are not fangs at all, but male reproductive organs! tastey!

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  11. Fudge Guy says:

    Okay I would be screaming like a little girl at the sight of the stupid spider! Wouldn’t be trying to smoosh it, stab it, or other wise harm it. I would be keeping WELL out of it’s friggin way.

    Cool shoes by the way — got a pair myself….

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  12. yeah! mister sprout!!! i haven’t read my xanga in months and when i do, there’s a comment from you!!! thanx.

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  13. wingb34 says:

    Oh Pea, that picture of the spider is alll kinds of wrong, ewwwwww….(speechless)

    Okay, hope you don’t run into anymore spiders! Oh, like your PJs btw, but please no more spider pics….=(

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  14. Trace310 says:

    oh this is so gross. i would just get out and find myself a 5-star hotel. lol.

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  15. Idle Beth says:

    That is so freaking scary!! (to put it mildly) You were brave just to get close enough to it to jab it with a stick! I just investing in RAID and fumigating any rooms you stay in from now on (not sure RAID would have much effect on a beast like that though!) I am going to have nightmares from that picture.

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  16. Stelladoro says:

    oh my god that’s disgusting

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  17. ladybug_3777 says:

    OMG I hate spiders and that this is just plain TERRIFYING!!!!

    [Reply]

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