Lessons Learned

By , January 26, 2006

In my heart there’s flowers growin’,
On the grave of our old love

There are two kinds of people: selfish and selfless. While it may seem noble to be among the selfless, it’s also very painful. We bear the burden of the selfish. We may sleep well at night knowing we’ve done right by those around us, but we are forever at the mercy of those ready to trample us for their own gain or amusement. But do selfish people really think they’re doing anything wrong?

I don’t think people like Fizzy think of themselves as bad people. Sure, in the cosmic good/ bad scheme of things they are unquestionably the bad ones, but they must be able to justify their actions to themselves. How else can they make it through the day? I get caught up wondering stuff like “how could she?” or “why did she?” when I really should just chalk it up to the fact that it’s her nature. A selfish person takes it for granted that acting out of self interest is acceptable, rational behavior. The pain they cause those left in their wake is to them probably some sort of unfortunate byproduct that can’t be avoided. “Better you than me” most likely sums up their attitude.

I remember so many things that I should have seen as signs, but I failed to read them at the time. I was blinded by love, as they say. I remember how she always stole things from her workplace, or how she lied to her parents and sisters all the time. I remember her one day cutting all ties with her then best friend, and never telling her why or even looking back. Somehow, it never registered to me that one day I might be on the receiving end of such behavior.

So what have I learned from Fizzy? Many things, both good and bad. I know what it means to be in love with someone. Moreover, I understand that love transcends all rational thought. I know what she did was wrong, and I know I shouldn’t love her anymore, but I still do. I hope I’ll fall out of love, and if I do, I now know what true love is, and I forever have a barometer by which to measure future emotions. I’ve also learned to try not to let love blind me. I placed unconditional trust in her. I overlooked the aforementioned telltale signs, and it was my downfall. I know better now. I’m confident that one day I’ll be ready to try again with someone new, and I know better than to let my guard down. I think I can eventually trust someone again, but it won’t be without careful consideration. I know I can never be 100% sure about anyone, but maybe I can be sure enough to try again. Maybe.

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4 Responses to “Lessons Learned”

  1. good GRIEF, you’ve brainwashed me! i have been on a peter lorre kick lately but i think you did influence my watching ‘maltese.’ damn your subliminal powers.

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  2. Some of the selfless get so frustrated about being a treadmill for the selfish that they think the easy way is to shut off their emotions. They start to wish they could be the selfish and inflict pain or not care about anything beyone making themselves happy. If someone only cares about making themselves happy they are bound to hurt others: friends, family or significant others.

    It’s interesting the term “signficant other”. Eventually in some relationships a person just slowly becomes less significant for various reasons, then becomes the subject of ridicule or scorn. Then it hurts.

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  3. wingb34 says:

    Hope you are doing well, sorry to hear you had a terrible 2005. Surround yourself with good food and friends, that always help.

    I finally got into the Harry Potter books, they are sooooo good, I can’t put them down. Are you going to dress up for the mid night party for Book 7? Who are you going to dress up as?

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  4. I completely understand…it’s good to have you back though. I know we don’t really know each other, but if you ever need someone just to talk to, I’m here.

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